


we retired talk of rain

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Communication, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Miluca, references to 2x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24634741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Michael and Alex finally talk about their goddamn feelings.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 33
Kudos: 253
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	we retired talk of rain

**Author's Note:**

> _**prompt from anon:** Hi 👋🏻 Could I prompt a fic where Michael and Alex talk about everything that happened this episode? Or just talk about their feelings. I just need them to talk and I love how you write dialogue for them. _
> 
> title: burnt espresso by sidney amoss

"Long day?"

"Shut up."

Michael smiled at Alex's playful dismissal, lingering in the doorway of his bedroom. The day had been incredibly, incredibly long. Everyone had gotten their hands dirtier than they wanted to. People were hurt–Maria was hurt. Michael had made sure she was stable under Kyle's watchful eye before heading straight to Alex's instead of his own bed.

He was tired, but he couldn't shake the need to see him and make sure he was still within reach.

He stayed there, watching as Alex seemed to pay him no mind. He moved almost in slow motion as he discarded himself of the jeans be wore and sat down on the bed. Michael could hear the heavy, controlled breaths he took as he started to remove his prosthetic.

"Everything okay?" Michael asked. Alex spared him a glance before putting his focus back on his leg.

"Went a week and a half not wearing and then I kinda just threw it on and decided to run around a fucking fair ground, so," Alex said, forcing a dry laugh.

"Can I help?"

Alex sighed slowly and looked up at him, his eyes betraying just a little vulnerability.

"Why are you here?" he asked, "Maria almost died because of that bomb, why aren't you with her? Or at home? Or with your siblings? Or anywhere but _here_?"

Michael had a billion answer, but none of them felt good enough so he shrugged and took a wobbly step closer. Alex just watched him and said nothing as he deliberately put one foot in front of the other until he sat on Alex's left side.

"I spent days building a bomb for your safety, and I only see you for a couple seconds. For days, you were just on the other side of the door, close enough to touch, and I couldn’t," Michael said, shrugging his shoulders, "Guess I just needed to make sure that you're still here."

"I'm here," Alex said, voice soft because he was honest and Michael could've melted into that tone if he was allowed, "I'm not going anywhere. So go. I’m okay."

Michael, for a moment, wondering if he was giving him an out or if he was genuinely wanting him to leave. Leaving was the last thing he wanted.

“Kyle’s with Maria, Liz is with Max, Isobel is with Rosa... Do you really wanna be alone? I don’t,” Michael admitted, tapping the toe of his boot on the floor. Alex was silent, barely breathing. When Michael dared to look at him, he just looked lost. “I thought you were dead. Then you almost died.”

“You almost died too,” Alex noted, “We both keep almost dying, this isn’t new.”

Michael huffed a laugh, taking in his face. He looked tired and his eyes were sad. He always looked so sad. Michael, fatigued from too many days of stressing over Alex, felt himself sway forward a little and Alex swayed in tandem. Their foreheads met, but Michael’s only stayed for a moment before rolling onto his shoulder. He closed his eyes at the feeling on his soft t-shirt against his cheek.

“I don’t wanna be alone,” he repeated. Alex breathed slowly, moving his arms to fit around him. He hugged him tight and Michael became more certain that he didn’t want to leave.

“You know, for a little while, I didn’t think it was gonna work,” Alex whispered, his thumb rubbing a soft circle against the knot that had formed in his shoulder, “I didn’t... I thought it was gonna take longer for someone to notice I was gone. They wanted you, but...”

“Of course it was gonna work, do you really think I’d let you disappear?” Michael asked. Instinct said to look him in the eye, but his body was dead weight against his shoulder. Alex didn’t seem to mind.

“No. I don’t know,” Alex sighed, stilling his hand and squeezing him a little bit, “I guess I can’t really imagine someone doing that. Thank you, by the way. For... doing that.”

“It was nothing.”

“No, it wasn’t nothing. You were building a bomb designed to kill you and your siblings just at the chance of saving me,” Alex said, “I-I can’t repay you for that.”

Michael sighed and shook his head.

“No, I’m tired of owing people things. I’m tired of owing _you_ things or having you owe me. We’re even,” Michael insisted, turning his head and pressing his face into Alex’s neck. His skin was warm and soft and the smell of his skin clouded Michael’s mind, feeling so close to dosing off. 

“What does that mean?” Alex whispered. Michael breathed him in.

“I’m tired of never knowing if what you’re doing is out of duty or because you want to,” Michael admitted, “I’m so tired of being confused. I’m always confused. Maria confuses me too.”

“Maria?”

“She knows I love you,” Michael said, ignoring the way Alex’s body stilled entirely with a soft gasp almost like it was new news, “And she doesn’t mind. She’s gotta mind, right?”

“I-I don’t know,” Alex said, “Haven’t really... had that discussion.”

Michael reached up, his hand sliding over Alex’s chest to fit between the loop of his arms around him. He rested his hand on the other side of Alex’s neck and rubbed his thumb over his jaw. The badnana felt painfully obvious as it prevented him from feeling his skin entirely. He hated the barrier.

“I spent so many days trying to save you and then I just put you at risk again and I still can’t stay away,” Michael said, changing the subject but not really. He could feel and hear Alex swallow. He involuntarily touched his Adam’s apple with his thumb, but he pulled it away when Alex flinched in response. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s just...” Alex said, swallowing again and opening and closing his mouth like he was fumbling for words. This was usually when Michael cut him off. He didn’t. “I’m confused too. ‘Cause... you say you can’t stay away, but you can. You have. I-I’m not mad that you do, I understand, but... You can.”

“I never look away, Alex.”

“But you did.”

“No,” Michael said, shifting slightly so he was fully facing Alex and able to feel him a little more, “Not really.”

“Michael...” he sighed, leaning his head against his and it felt so nice. He couldn’t remember a time he felt so... calm. After all the bullshit that had just happened and all the bullshit that was _still_ happening, he was _calm._ And it was Alex. “You have a girlfriend. Maybe we should have this conversation... Not now.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Michael told him.

“It’s close enough,” Alex whispered, “Close enough, I don’t wanna... I don’t want to be the cause of fucking it up. I don’t want to take away whatever hope she has about you two.”

“Then I’ll let her know it’s over,” Michael decided.

“What? No, you need to thi--”

Michael reluctantly lifted his head, daring to look him in the eye.

“I don’t need to think anymore, I’m so tired of _thinking_. I built a murder-suicide bomb for you, Alex, how much more shit do I need to think about before I realize it’s you? It always been you, it’ll always be you. I told you I thought it would be us and that’s ‘cause it will be. I like her and I don’t wanna hurt her, but I-I can’t fucking shake you, Alex, and I don’t want to. Not anymore. I’m tired of being unsure,” he vented, doing his best to cover his bases, “I love you. If I’m gonna keep having these near-death experiences, I would like to do them when neither of us are confused. Things are gonna be clear. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alex responded, eyes a little teary and he looked so overwhelmed and Michael just wanted him to get some sleep.

“We can talk after I talk to Maria and wait for as long as you need, but... I don’t wanna be alone tonight. I’m asking for what I need for once. And I need you. Is that okay?” Michael wondered. Alex nodded. Michael did the same and leaned against his forehead again for a few seconds.

“I-I need to take my prosthetic off,” Alex said. 

“Right, sorry.”

Michael reluctantly moved back, taking off his boots as Alex took off his leg.

The two of them moved into the bed, for once not confused about what it meant or what would happen. They faced each other, not speaking or being awkward. Michael took in every inch of his face and every crease and line and scar. Alex seemed to be doing the same. If this was what it was like to not be confused, he never wanted to go back.

“I love you,” Michael told him, “Present tense. On purpose.”

Alex closed his eyes, pain creasing in his eyebrows as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Michael reached out, smoothing them out until he opened his eyes. Alex smiled and he was beautiful.

He caught Michael’s hand, though, slowly undoing the bandana and placing it for safe keeping on the night stand. Michael watched with a tense stomach as Alex kissed the back of his hand, removing the barrier and making it known.

“And I love you. Present tense. On purpose,” Alex promised him.

And they slept.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
